Archive for May, 2010

“the gap” parenting

May 31, 2010

I guess it comes from a place not to far away. And let me get one thing straight. I am not a parenting expert.

But I do know this. The following does not automatically grant you the status great parent.

Owning a bug a boo pram
Dressing in R.M. Williams attire
Owning a Phil & teds stroller
Driving a Lexus, BMW, Audi(especially), Porsche cayenne
Wearing an expensive scarf
Dressing your child in Ed Hardy clothing
Dressing your child in londsdale clothing
Making your child eat fruit at a birthday party
Driving the “top of the line” ford territory
Buying and admitting to drinking ‘slightly’ sparkling water
Wearing an expensive brand tracksuit. It is still a TRACKsuit. For the track/living room. Unless you are a small child and your parents are living through you by dressing you as a member of Run DMC, (which is totally 100% acceptable behaviour).

Ok. That is all for now.

I am “Anti-Gap” parenting today by facilitating my daughter to eat whatever she wants from BreadTop.

Nb to self: go get some things from bread top

Eavesdropping lost whore

May 26, 2010

I can’t stopping listening to people talk about lost. I have never watched one episode. I remember watching fie minutes of the creators talking some shit about theories, but I thought, ‘piss of this shit has already been done with twin peaks and the black lodge etc’.

I love however listening to people a la watercooler style wanking on about lost. ” fuck did you watch lost the other night?, fuck they were on an island and shit and a dinosaur fucked a donkey, and then a coconut drove a submarine?!?”

How can you not like the retelling of crazy stories and peoples crazy theories abou what happened last night on lost.

I even have my own even though I have never watched an episode.

I believe the people are trapped on the island because they got too many red light fines and got sent to jail. But the jail was too crowded, so they got sent to an island, the red light fines story is interchangable each week. This is so you can keep up with other peoples theories. You can say one week that they are there cause they didn’t pay the electricty bill and so are stranded some where with out electricity. Then o on to make the metaphor that electricty is an analogy about love and they all have to learn about love!, or some shi like that.

It is more fun than listening to some poor arse emo/business wanna be, talking about how much he pretends to love sushi, when he is eating a Vietnamese spring roll.

Do you have a theory on lost even now that it is over? If so email me or comment or follow Pandainabattlesuit on twitter or Facebook.

No doubt I will download/buy(like fuck) Lost and watch the shit out of it and then I will make up even better bullshit theories even incorporating ‘neighbours’ characters like Todd landers. Until then though I will keep watching good tv shows, and eaves dropping on other peoples lost theories.

This character lost his burger

…..um….I can’t see your legs.

May 26, 2010

I like to call it recycling. I usually opt out of taking the pictures myself to save me from being beaten up by someone with the IQ of a bag of sand.

so I recycle other peoples pictures from the web. Like my friend above. We will call him Thommo as dildo is just that little bit offesive so sorry to all those thommos out there, just a name pulled out of my head.

now to the the crux. Camo pants.

If you were in a war, going to war, currently serving in Iraq or in the reserves and it is the second Sunday or Saturday of the month or whatever the ad used to say, then you can probably justify wearing them. out side of these aforementioned times they are in all honesty a poor choice in attire.

You see it is not actually the pants them selves, it is probably more the people wearing them, that I have known in the past.

Usually it was someone with a name that could be shortened or lengthened to have the suffix ‘O’ or ‘A’ as in ‘ay’.

some examples would be, ‘Thommo, gazza, shazza oporto’s, Jammo’, you get the picture.

Usually the people also had no idea of how to use an iron, so their camo pants looked like sultanas or scrotum skin towards the bottom of their legs.

any way, please reserve camo for every second sunday of every month.

peace out.

help,……they’ve taken my ipod

May 19, 2010

I love the world today. only because of this article. I would advise reading the quotations in Napoleon Dynamite’s voice makes it so much better.

*we would have just been silhouette, can you bring me my chapstick?

They’re starting to look like horses

May 19, 2010

Check out this emo kid I just spotted

Can some one please explain

May 16, 2010

Naked women, on a motorcycle, only the back window of a car.

Please explain this to me.

….needs a lesson in customer service (Deli-Glenbrook Sucks a bag of d….)

May 13, 2010

Some people who run businesses, forget that customer service is not at all about ‘everybody’. It is about and individual perceived service experience. Every person has their own view on events. People relying on the end result, which would be a financial trade for service or product, often forget that the way they talk to customers, whether it be a fake polite tone of voice and a few choice words of gratitude with a self-imposed NIDA respected empathetic gaze.

So this week my lovely wife had re: introduced me to Glenbrook, and its included business’. I was skeptical. The reason for my skepticism you ask?, well I did live their for quite some time, and for some reason I never felt excepted. Maybe it was the member of ex number one band ’1927′ selling me wine, and while suggesting it on the basis of pretentious every growing personal wine knowledge, giving you the details in an empty gaze, thinking ‘you young Dicks are never going to appreciate wine the way I do!!, I know everything about this wine, you’ll be vomiting this beautiful red full-bodied child of mine come 1am, how dare you ask me to recommend you my child for slaughter …..” blah blah etc, so maybe that’s why I have a distaste for Glenbrook? Perhaps then today’s events drag my opinion of it down into a sewage drain and violate it in a way that no amount of psychology appointments will help to repair.

My wife. She is very smart. She is very confident. She is the mother of two. In this aforementioned deli-come-cafe had managed to have a coffee and a dessert, and then developed a case of the crying baby. For what ever reason that may be. It was shortly thereafter that she was approached by the waitress, apparently ‘the most polite of all’ (as suggested by this person herself) that the table she was at was reserved and that could she leave. Now referring to the fact that my wife has a very quick wit, and is very smart, I am sure that she would not have mis interpreted this request. My wife was then…. Not asked if she would mind moving to another table and the customers waiting I am sure were not asked if they would mind occupying another table. She was asked to leave. Sh feels that it was directly related to the children been unhappy. She rarely is off the mark in social situations and borders on being very much in the same social interpretation skill level of. Simon Bakers character in the popular police investigation show.

My interpretation.
Being a supportive husband, and no longer wanting to tolerate superiority complex driven social interaction.
Being an extreme advocate of customer focused service.
Being a firm believer in perception is everything….
I was force to telephone ‘the most polite waitress of them all’.

Sorry to be a pain but when you run a business you need to remain customer focused. if the other customers had indeed reserved a table then perhaps you could have offered them another, perhaps you could have made it more clear that my wife could have utilized another table in the restaurant?, would that have been so hard.

perhaps you being the most ‘polite’ person in the restaurant “L”, is secret code your colleagues use to mean the ‘most passive aggressive 67.5er bitch they have to work with each shift.

moral to the story?

Boycott Deli-Glenbrook, visit the Bakehouse (see pictures below) next door, for some nice white chocolate tart, minus the most ‘polite ingredient of all’,  - I like to call it  - pretentious, child hating bitch.

you could never ever possibly have been a child, or have had children now could you “L”?

NB to Self: Fuck you “L”. Deli-Glenbrook can suck a bag of dicks.!!

Bakehouse on the Park, far more superior – best coffee ever.

wow.

May 12, 2010

Look Out. Guerilla

May 10, 2010

Fuck em.

Stop that fucking shit grafitti.

May 10, 2010

multi coloured graf, stencil graf – the likes of Bansky is so beautiful see below

How ever. Those black marker waving, scratching paint off train carriage wankers have pushed me over the edge. They truly give true street artists a bad name.

So fuck off taggers, fuck off window/paint scratching bullshit mongers, put simply your art is unintelligent. see above pictures for someone who is using their powers for good instead of evil.

Please be creative. Stop fucking defacing shit.


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