Archive for the ‘Animals vs Humans’ Category

Self grooming begins at home

August 3, 2012

What the fuck people. I thought these only existed in 1993. Particularly at truck stops in the central west of Australia. You know the ones. They have those mechanic/boobie calendars on the back of the office door.

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I get that peeps want to be fresh to death but buying fucking pheromones in a shopping centre bathroom is no less creepy than a paedophile version of Ivan Milat.

Go to priceline for fucks sake. Buy some Lynx Africa. At least I am almost sure that you get a bonus free root at Penrith Panthers night club.

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I get the safe sex thing. But you can buy that shit at one of the 54 supermarkets in the shopping centre. The only people I can imagine buying these things are the very same people that wear navy v-neck jumpers with no shirt under neath, a cheap gold chain, chinos and bone coloured fake alligator shoes. You guys all know him. He is the very same 47.5er that is dating the year eleven student and tell everyone how mature she is well, his Xbox live friends anyway and he is always going on a cruise. Not international, just off the coast and back

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Hot tip: if you need this. Try brushing your teeth. Just try.

Product design. Toilet paper

July 21, 2012

I guess I am no expert in the field of toilet paper but as a consumer I have definitely 30 something years experience.
While I was sitting on the proverbial stark white ceramic throne, I glanced across my field of view for some reason to contemplate the somewhat ‘special’ design on the roll

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Not sure about you guys. But when I was thinking of possible alternatives to teddy bears on toilet paper I was no doubt able to think of fifty fucking million other options. Not unlike the option of wiping your arse on a starfish or some ‘design-cum-braile’.
Just really not sure what the company were thinking here.
Even if they were trying to appeal to children?, long shot I know but teaching kids to wipe their arse with teddy bears would cause a catastrophe for parents in a plush toy heavy house such as ours.
I just want Sorbent or whom ever to maybe re think it. That is all.

At least the dog has goggles in case shit goes down. Pun intended.

Anti-’Gangsta Lean’ Campaign

January 13, 2012

Sorry today has provided me much inspiration and whilst I wait for reports to run. I will quickly re write the rules on what you are and and are not allow to do whilst in motor vehicles.

As expertly recreated in MS Paint, I was an observer to a young male driving like this (please use some imagination) this morning, in what seemed to be his Mum’s Ford Fiesta (old model and it was blue). I wasn’t sure of the exact number plate so I just estimated. (It was probably closer to Douche’s Mum’s Car, but that wouldn’t fit)

So I have decided to make a list of cars you are not allowed to do that in. Ever.

1. Honda jazz

2. Any Hyundai

3. Any older model Ford, (excluded is the GT 500)

4. Honda CRV (I tested this out in ours and felt like a douche)

5. Ford laser

6.  Holden Astra

7. Any Holden

8. Audi TT (Daiahatsu Copen is acceptable)

9. Nissan Skyline R30/33/34(GTST model)

10. Mazda 3

11. Mitsubishi Mirage

12. Mitsubishi Lancer (any with Chrome aftermarket tail lights)

13. VW Polo

14. VW EOS

15. Toyota Corolla

16. Any BMW older than this year.

17. Audi RS4 (too gangsta to be gansta leaning in especially the Advant)

18. Mostly all cars

19. Those $50 mountain bikes you see people rding on with the motor attached.

20. Those thin Skate boards that are back in fashion

21. Dunlop Volley Shoes

22. Any clothes from Glue Store

23. Roller shoes are ok if the child is Gangsta

24. Ikea Trolley (unless you bought expidite book shelf they are gangsta)

25. VW Beetle (new version)

26. Any care with a Tape deck

27. Toyota utes with carpet on the rear tray and some empt chrome tool boxes

28. Horses (mules are totally more gangsta)

29. Any car with flag of any nationality on rear view mirror

30. Any car with Garter belt hanging from review mirror

31. Any Car going through McDonalds’ Drive through (please refrain from being gangsta as Mcdonalds’ workers deserve our respect)

32. Vespas

33. Yellow Cars (Lancer Evolution 9 exception)

34. Yellow motorbikes

35. Guys on motors bikes in thongs, shorts, and muscle shirt/singlets.

 

Any others please feel free to comment.

 

 

Just read this.

December 21, 2011

Srsly. People have no conscience.

get a crisco hamper stop stealing other people’s shit. Especially at this time of year.

Click for story about scum

 

Balance and Awe

November 28, 2011

Apparently.

September 30, 2011

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Apparently if you fit the following criteria, it gives you the right to be an absolute fucking bitch who thinks her mobility aid is a shield/ramming device/child squasher/sympathy aid/invisibility cloak/Harry potters broom(the fast posh one)/a throne/the pope mobile/a limousine/krang’s mobility robot/inconspicuous part of her other wise fully functioning legs.

A. You are the rude bitch picture above in the mobility aid
B. You seem to think driving over children to pay your parking ticket is acceptable.
C. You don’t feel that the world needs you to say excuse me now that you can ram people out of the way with your ‘sans blade ride on lawn mower’
D. Your disability extended to your ‘manners gland’
E. You feel as though waving your ticket in front of the ticket machine will act telepathically to tell your 40 year old virgin son that he needs to inconvenience you by scaling over you to pay for parking because you shouldn’t have to say “hey son who still lives at home I could tell because of the suit pants/joggers/parra jersey thing with a Parker he was rocking Could you please be a dear and check we haven’t gone over three hours?”

Fuck. Some thing bad may have really happened to this lady. But acting like a fucking bitch that the world owes something won’t save your soul.

Proper Love [via Snippet & Ink]

September 29, 2011

This photo set that Snippet & Ink have posted show exactly why people get married and choose to stay married.

Not to be a complete suck, well maybe a little, these pictures of Paul Newman and his lovely wife Joanne Woodward explain visually I think about how I feel about my lovely wife. If she speaks I am captivated, when looking at her I am mesmerised by beauty, to the point a nearly turn into a hunting animal When I do something stupid/funny she understands me like she has studied me for years and has published several thesis’ as a content expert on me.

Very rarely does some one capture this essence in photography. Maybe its the black and white, maybe its the fact that some how Paul and Joanne have well and truly reminded me of my wife and I.

This is what marriage is about/feels like/sounds like/looks like.  So to all the people in the world trying to fulfil the void with travel and cocaine, hey hats off to you but I have been there, so when you use the oh so predictable quote “oh marriage isn’t for me, I want to travel and experience all life has to offer!!”, can I just remind you that life not only has travel and full moon parties to offer, and it doesn’t just have snorting cocaine off whores and licorice to offer. Life also offers marriage, children, and many other things this post isn’t aimed at…….

 

 

Al-right now I am rambling.

 

These photos are beautiful #justsayin’

 

 

We should all just be vegetarian

June 2, 2011

This is not right.
Go to getup.org.au and sign the partition.

If you watch this video and think that it is any where near ok you need a fucking check up.

http://www.animalsaustralia.org/swf/video.swf?v=bassateen06
More videos from Animals Australia

Give Sydney some recognition

April 2, 2011

Here at pandainabattlesuit.com we believe in giving people or things the recognition they deserve.

This week due to the ever increasing

  • trafiic jams
  • 1 hour longs journeys that by foot would have taken 20mins
  • The constant judging looks from 47 year old wannabes in Top Ryde shopping centre
  • The really bad drivers,
  • and the drivers that are worse than those ones
  • The people that don’t say please or thankyou when they order their bondi burgers
  • The people that don’t say please and thank you to the people saving their life in hospital
  • The hipster fuck heads from Newtown that hate on children because they forget they were one once, before that got a cool mohawk dyed it pink and started listening to the smiths and drink Canadian club
  • The Annoying fucking idiots that ring our mobile telling us they can get a cheaper deal for us than telstra are giving on our home line when our home line isn’t even with telstra
  • The same annoying idiots that ring and get angry when we have already got a better deal, and refuse to tell us the name of the company.
  • Vodafucked.
  • The guy that decided that 0630hrs was the most appropriate time to drag 30 wheelie bins under the apartment building by making the most noise he possibly could. if he is awake, everyone is!…right?!?
  • The Pre polling idiotsthat can’t be bothered actually deliver all the pamphlets for the former Mayor of Burwood Mr Sidoti, so dump approximately 1 thousand of them insde the fence of our apartments courtyard.

For all these people and  the surrounding attitude that Sydney is continually developing we have made a poster. Anyone who feels the same should print it and display it proudly.

Sydney Recognition Document <———————————-click here to download and print

What it looks like

Rouse Hill Town Centre. A breath of design.

February 20, 2011

The team and I took a trip to Rouse Hill Town Centre the other day. This was to do some recon because friends of ours had been telling us how nice it was and that they did shopping there. We have been looking for real estate options near the area and so had decided to take a drive and have a coffee, and check it out for ourselves.

on arrival it was the same as always, turn right and then quick left into underground ‘Westfield’ style car park. But then….we rode the elevator up to the ground floor.

Unveiled was a designer delight shopping centre, complete with green attributes, hidden store rooms, and complete attention to detail. The designers at GPT Group have done every local resident proud. This shopping centre felt fresh, it felt cozy, as well as feeling air-y and open.

From the polished concrete planter boxes come sitting and waiting benches, to the pipette style naturally lit art deco/future chairs (see below) every thing came together. The centre gave the impression that you were walking around out doors and indoors at the same time all whilst existing in the current day future.

The food court itself is beautiful (and beautifully fattening). It is split down the middle by a giant partition that is able to close one side from the other, not sure why but it looks very effective. The partition itself is made a a open wire pattern that is nature motifs but from afar looks like a 1920s damask, very cool. The lighting in the food court give way to the feeling that you are in the under

it is a little oriental but more gives the illusion that even the food court is eco-friendly.

Like most other ‘eco friendly’ buildings being constructed at the moment, recycled water plays a part in showing off the ‘green build’. This fountain is part of  a cycle that apparently recycles 70%  of the water that is used by the centre, and looks really good. All of the drain hole covers are themed to remind patrons that the water is effecting the habitat that surrounds the centre. It is a nice touch very similar idea to the Manhole covers in different towns in Japan.

This section of the retail centre is both open air and not. It really takes away from the ‘Westfield style mall’ feel that all these centres have whether they like it or not. You get to feel the outside temperature and the natural light is very nice alternative to fluorescent lighting.  the planter baskets and natural exposed timber will probably age very quickly but for now makes the building feel super modern.

Every section has its own theme. Good attention to detail makes the shopping experience feel personal and feel like you are shopping in the back streets of Melbourne, only problem is, that all the stores are the same chains as always. Neither good nor bad this aspect reminds you that you are in a shopping mall.

The whole place makes it very easy to sit outside and drink coffee in the town square, and feels a little like a suburban piazza.

Aside from the trolley, left away from the supermarket, the chair in this photo was what inspired this post. Cool seating like this should be every where in every shopping centre. For resting, and for kids climbing

 

 

I would recommend people go and shop here for sure. It really is a great alternative, and nice eye candy.


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