If this myriad of search terms does not impress you enough to start following the magical mystery tour that is this website, then I am pretty sure you wear a lot of beige.
How good is ‘smurfs doing coke’, and ‘Jesus loves penis’, I am probably about 30 days from being picketed by Westborough Church.
Maybe it has something to do with my tags.
I have just received a very important to action very importantly, actually it was a bit of an attempt at humor.
this was the disclaimer for people to take into consideration at the end.
I will be whipping my egg whites to soft points when I get home. (which in my brain was about 15minutes after I arrived to work at 0530hrs this morning.
Hope you get a laugh.
All I want for christmas is to be able to do a post without having to write some sort of important document on the other monitor at the same time.
feel free to email me whilst you are all enjoyng your holidays, I would love to do some random articles about other people enjoying this time of year.
For some reason, every one seems to get a little happier, (possibly got something to do with mandatory annual leave) so I hope everyone has a great few weeks in the near future.
So this is what Christmas of 2011 is.
I girl dressed in her under where holding a fucking can of pears.
Now I know that my irritation with this does not stem from the fact that I am a dad and have a family or the fact I may have a few salty patches on my la tete.
But fuck. What the fuck does a can of tinned pears and some girl in her fucking under wear giving a spoon a blow job have to do with Christmas.
Yes I know that it is supposed to reference a pear tree but. Let me do some simple mathematics around this.
Whorish posing ex pat + table spoon / underwear = whorish girl eating tinned fruit…….. No wait I must have done that wrong.
Girl in underwear X giving a blow job to a spoon / Christmas = whorish girl eating pears underdressed.
Nope well
Neither of those equal Christmas.
And I am sure if I did the same equations for Jennifer whorkins diving in to a pool full of Christmas tree decorations it would come out the same. Whorish girl using blow jobs and swim suits to relate to christmas.
Some times I think Myer and DJs would be better brothels.
Then I am forced to think of the 67.5er bitches that dominate the staff roster until they die of Sheridan poisoning and I literally shudder.
A Christmas tree with a couple of presents and a sale sign would have most ladies swarming myer.
Now on Christmas eve there will be a bunch of blokes walking out of Myers and DJs depressed because there was no blowjobs. Just cut priced women’s make up and Calvin Klein unisex perfume.
Sorry team.
End rant.
Katie
Hi, I’m Katie. I might not be a real person, but I am programmed to answer your questions about PayPal.
How can I help you?
You
i would like to remove a credit card from my account but it says i still have a pending transfer?
Katie
You can remove your credit or debit card details in your Profile page under Financial Information. You may need to log in to see this page.
You’ll then be able to remove credit card information.
Note: You cannot remove a card if you have a pending transaction or if you recently used the card as a backup funding source for an Instant Bank Transfer payment.
Before we continue, was the information I gave you helpful?
-Yes, this was helpful
-No, this was not helpful
You
No, this was not helpful
Katie
I’m sorry that wasn’t helpful.
How can I help you?
You
you are so great kaite
Katie
Thanks! I do my best to help people out on our site.
Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
You
but you are no match for Siri
Katie
I don’t know exactly what you mean. Can you be a little more specific about the issue?
You
Well you are not satisfying my needs
Katie
Ok. I don’t know exactly what you mean. Can you be a little more specific about the issue?
You
Yes I want to remove a credit card, and although I like robots I am not having a pleasurable experience
Katie
Thanks… But remember, I’m here to help you with questions about our site.
Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
You
Well you could, by electronic means, go and grab me a non robot helper
Katie
You can remove your credit or debit card details in your Profile page under Financial Information. You may need to log in to see this page.
You’ll then be able to remove credit card information.
Note: You cannot remove a card if you have a pending transaction or if you recently used the card as a backup funding source for an Instant Bank Transfer payment.
Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
You
off you go
Katie
You can remove your credit or debit card details in your Profile page under Financial Information. You may need to log in to see this page.
You’ll then be able to remove credit card information.
Note: You cannot remove a card if you have a pending transaction or if you recently used the card as a backup funding source for an Instant Bank Transfer payment.
Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
You
a little bit i think you like the sound of your own ones and zeros
Katie
I’m not sure what you mean. Can you be a little more specific about the issue?
You
ones and zeroes. you know. bit transfer
Katie
You might find your answer in the links below. If not, try rephrasing your question:
- How do I add funds?
- How can I withdraw money from my PayPal account?
You
pineapple
Katie
It looks like you’re entering a keyword. If you use a whole phrase, I could give you a better answer.
You
do you like robots
Katie
I’m not sure what you mean. Can you be a little more specific about the issue?
You
robots with lasers
Katie
I don’t know exactly what you mean. Can you be a little more specific about the issue?
[me: discoonect]
Who would have though that a really bad AI system could be so fucking useless. Thanks Paypal.com.au, thanks for all the good times.
[via gizmodo] [via Matt Honan's Tumblr]
Generation X is sick of your bullshit.
The first generation to do worse than its parents? Please. Been there. Generation X was told that so many times that it can’t even read those words without hearing Winona Ryder’s voice in its heads. Or maybe it’s Ethan Hawke’s. Possibly Bridget Fonda’s. Generation X is getting older, and can’t remember those movies so well anymore. In retrospect, maybe they weren’t very good to begin with.
But Generation X is tired of your sense of entitlement. Generation X also graduated during a recession. It had even shittier jobs, and actually had to pay for its own music. (At least, when music mattered most to it.) Generation X is used to being fucked over. It lost its meager savings in the dot-com bust. Then came George Bush, and 9/11, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Generation X bore the brunt of all that. And then came the housing crisis.
Generation X wasn’t surprised. Generation X kind of expected it.
Generation X is a journeyman. It didn’t invent hip hop, or punk rock, or even electronica (it’s pretty sure those dudes in Kraftwerk are boomers) but it perfected all of them, and made them its own. It didn’t invent the Web, but it largely built the damn thing. Generation X gave you Google and Twitter and blogging; Run DMC and Radiohead and Nirvana and Notorious B.I.G. Not that it gets any credit.
But that’s okay. Generation X is used to being ignored, stuffed between two much larger, much more vocal, demographics. But whatever! Generation X is self-sufficient. It was a latchkey child. Its parents were too busy fulfilling their own personal ambitions to notice any of its trophies-which were admittedly few and far between because they were only awarded for victories, not participation.
In fairness, Generation X could use a better spokesperson. Barack Obama is just a little too senior to count among its own, and it has debts older than Mark Zuckerberg. Generation X hasn’t had a real voice since Kurt Cobain blew his brains out, Tupac was murdered, Jeff Mangum went crazy, David Foster Wallace hung himself, Jeff Buckley drowned, River Phoenix overdosed, Elliott Smith stabbed himself (twice) in the heart, Axl got fat.
Generation X is beyond all that bullshit now. It quit smoking and doing coke a long time ago. It has blood pressure issues and is heavier than it would like to be. It might still take some ecstasy, if it knew where to get some. But probably not. Generation X has to be up really early tomorrow morning.
Generation X is tired.
It’s a parent now, and there’s always so damn much to do. Generation X wishes it had better health insurance and a deeper savings account. It wonders where its 30s went. It wonders if it still has time to catch up.
Right now, Generation X just wants a beer and to be left alone. It just wants to sit here quietly and think for a minute. Can you just do that, okay? It knows that you are so very special and so very numerous, but can you just leave it alone? Just for a little bit? Just long enough to sneak one last fucking cigarette? No?
Whatever. It’s cool.
Generation X is used to disappointments. Generation X knows you didn’t even read the whole thing. It doesn’t want or expect your reblogs; it picked the wrong platform.
Generation X should have posted this to LiveJournal.
Sometimes you have to buy toys for kids right? Well everytime I go shopping for kids toys I can’t help be fascinated with the varied large range of crap and weird crazy as shit toys.
Take babies for example. Toys that is. Toy babies as in baby dolls.
You would think that well if we don’t want our kids to have a weird-as-fuck perception of the world then we would just stock sell and buy normal babies. Normal little cute babies with normal skin colours.
Not babies that are ‘Born awesome’ like our friend here ‘Makayla Song’
For real? Born awesome? What the fuck is that about?
Then you have got the creepy facial expression section. I could have been in this isle at the local target for weeks taking portraits of the evil or bemused or awkward looking little fuckers.
I don’t remember our children ever having the expression ‘gangsta looking dodgy drug lord baby’ like our friend here
Honestly. Or the ‘yeah bitches baby’
Or this one I like to call the ‘I just shit in your bed’ baby.
Or the ‘i didn’t steal shit!’ baby.
And not to mention last but not least. The ‘the yeah, we are all virgins aren’t we….guys???!?…guys!?!’ baby.
Toy makers need to pull there fucking heads in Srsly. Guys. Come on
This photo set that Snippet & Ink have posted show exactly why people get married and choose to stay married.
Not to be a complete suck, well maybe a little, these pictures of Paul Newman and his lovely wife Joanne Woodward explain visually I think about how I feel about my lovely wife. If she speaks I am captivated, when looking at her I am mesmerised by beauty, to the point a nearly turn into a hunting animal When I do something stupid/funny she understands me like she has studied me for years and has published several thesis’ as a content expert on me.
Very rarely does some one capture this essence in photography. Maybe its the black and white, maybe its the fact that some how Paul and Joanne have well and truly reminded me of my wife and I.
This is what marriage is about/feels like/sounds like/looks like. So to all the people in the world trying to fulfil the void with travel and cocaine, hey hats off to you but I have been there, so when you use the oh so predictable quote “oh marriage isn’t for me, I want to travel and experience all life has to offer!!”, can I just remind you that life not only has travel and full moon parties to offer, and it doesn’t just have snorting cocaine off whores and licorice to offer. Life also offers marriage, children, and many other things this post isn’t aimed at…….
Al-right now I am rambling.
These photos are beautiful #justsayin’
Ever talk to yourself at your desk?
Yeah me neither I talk to these little guys. When Travelling to Japan, one thing I cannot help but do is pick up some miniature anime figurines. They are just so cute.
Who else has some mascots on their desk? email your desktop mascots to me and I will post them! at Panda@Pandainabattlesuit These are some of mine.
Maybe some are a little inappropriate for work, but in saying that some of the people at my work wear things that are more inappropriate for work.
What are your stress coping helpers for work? Maybe your desk mascot is a bottle of blue label johnny walker, or perhaps a bottle of over strong cough syrup.
Hey I am easily pleased, and most of the time get better answers from these than sending an email.
I may start collecting more, but it is a fine line between having a few cool mascots and having a OCD collector of ecchi, at your work desk no less.
If only I had a job with DannyChoo.com then it would be totally acceptable. If only he would accept non Japanese speaking/writing people on the same salary I am currently getting, I think Weezer wrote a song about that occuring “Only in in Dreams” – …..great album
When you go to shop that is a little bit posher than say… oh the mixed business down the road that not only sells shampoo but also sells cabbages (my opinion only). You expect a certain level of products to be available that are slightly over priced and fit into the niche of the market I like to say is aimed at GAP parents.
So while we were shopping at Myer the other day, I found the following products.
I don’t know. You might all disagree, but being serve by a ‘lovely Myer product consultant’ shisedo rep in a fake lab coat, who thinks she is a doctor and buying an ‘organic’ product that “keeps your baby happy and sniffle free” was close to the most ridiculous thing I could possibly think of. Beside perhaps, going on a drinking binge with a donkey in a lab coat, claiming he was a head and neck surgeon giving people advice on their neck length in proportion to their carbon footprint.
Imagine this “potion” did what it claims. Baby teething>? ? well just spray some snotty grotty, the baby will just become happy, which I am sure it will be anyway, once you massage it with some $60.00 baby massage oil. what the fuck happened to baby oil?
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind spending any amount of money on my children or our friends children. But when it comes to things riding the ‘organic’ wave, whilst being retained in a plastic container, that over time will probably kill more wild life than the pesticides that were ‘not’ used to make the product I have to be a little sceptical.
The packaging does look great, and if I had a black Amex and my baby wasn’t sleeping I would buy a whole shipment of this stuff and paint the fucking house with it and try it out, but come on, does it need to cost this much money. Maybe it does? It definitely looks nice. Maybe I could explain that to the baby.
“Well honey, I know you are 6 months old, and haven’t slept in the nigh for 5.97 months, but this beautifully packaged, interestingly priced spray is going to ‘change’ all that ok hun?”
….or Maybe it is paying ‘Dr Shisedo’, to ask me “can I help you with anything” when I am standing at the check out piling ‘interestingly priced’ goods onto the counter to purchase them for a friend. You decide.
But this does make me wonder. What will people buy. If it looks nice. Packaged right. ‘Interestingly priced’. Will people with a lot of money pretty much just say fuck it and buy it?
An example perhaps?
In a tanning Booth some where whilst children in a crèche (scenario may not have happened and does not mean to reflect Tiffany and Mercedes are bad parents in any way)
[Scene]
Tiffany pippa whosenbery: “Hey, Mercedes Porche Van Squibenberg, I got this awesome lotion/potion the other day for $5000 a bottle!!”
Mercedes Porche Van Squibenberg: “Wow Tiffany pippa whosenbery, what does it do?, Does it look great, where from?”
Tiffany pippa whosenbery: ” Well I just got it from that mixed business..whats it called, not versace the other one?”
Mercedes Porche Van Squibenberg: “oh you mean Prada?”
Tiffany pippa whosenbery: “oh yeah, thats the one. Well what you do is, it is for for your baby, and it says if you rub it on your car tyres before you drive in the ocean, then your baby will be able to grant three wishes”
Mercedes Porche Van Squibenberg: “oh you mean that new product by MILK for Babies, I have that, its called Fairy Wish Baby Magic Rub For Car Tyres!, Did you know you can also get it for sheep dogs, before they do maths quizzes? it is similarly called Fairy Wish Baby Magic Rub For Sheep dogs, before they do Maths Quizzes! ”
Tiffany pippa whosenbery: “yeah thats it, do you have some, wow, does it work???”
Mercedes Porche Van Squibenberg: “no”
[enter Donkey dressed as Head and Neck surgeon, smoking a cigar]
Dr Shisedo: “Bet that bottle looks really good though?, and did you know while using it you and can decrease your neck length and carbon footprint by consulting our specilaist drunk donkey techinicians??”
[end scene]
Perhaps you can see where I am going.
I just didn’t believe it at the time. I don’t know why. Some thing about a balding ‘caesar type’ character aka. Ron Moss telling me, that’s right telling me that I would be using only a card to pay for things electronically.
Then on top of that telling me that I would be possibly getting to work on a jet pack and that we would do all work once at work on ‘personal computers’. Pffffft. What ever Ron Moss. If that is your real name. I suppose you are also going to tell me that there is no prototype hover board and that michael j fox was held up by strings. Yep. What ever.
Now I typing this on a tablet pc with more intuitive thought than most of the life guards at Sydney Olympic park and better design (totally arguable and just for emotional value and not my honest opinion) than Raymond Kappe and Frank Lloyd Wright put together actually no, I went too far. ‘Fallingwater’ cannot be beaten.
iPad is amazing. We have just purchased the iPad 2 after selling our quad core intel pentium core 2 q6600.
I am very happy with this choice.
With it went a 22″ screen. Why did we need a 22″ screen in the first place? Who knows? Prob just cause the man said and 22″ is better than 10″ right?
Now we have no wires. Not even from our modem router to the media centre (still AMD) now with six terabytes because it became surrogate for the drives donation from the HP but still ver much needed.
God help the world when apple catch up and invent a useable wireless NAS that is as easy to plug and play as me syncing photos between iPad and iPhone in 3 taps.
This simplicity is what the world needs. I don’t care that I am locked in, restricted to millions of apple only apps. Nor do I care that I can’t get turn by turn for free hacked. Nor do i care that I have to use iTunes as the host for iPhone and iPad. What I care about is when I want to use my iPhone as a phone it is just and only that. When it is a camera it is just and only that. But when you reach inside it’s magic hat of tricks the rabbit your pull out is not white. It is every colour you want and more.
I just saying iPad 2 is probably even better than I thought it would be. More functional than a pc on a non intricate level. My whole family can use it. Even the smallest 17months old. And I know for a fact her Nanny will be able to use it.
This really did turn into a rant. Wow sorry.
What I am trying to say is the rare occasion I do carry cash and the rare time at work where I do use a wire connected device to access the internet and the rare rare times I do use a skate board with wheels makes me think. Ron Moss I am so sorry. Your were just so right. About everything. We even have GPS. And it is inside our phones which are wireless. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. I just rang our children’s grandparents with a video phone last night on in electronic device not as big as a warehouse and it was with video feed and only slightly bigger than a piece of paper.
I am sorry for all the times I said “yeah right, sure Ron Moss sure well have reversing cameras in our cars”.
Technology is amazing. People should take a little more time to understand it. I think that is what is holding it back. The haters if you will. Just embrace it. I know all you “67.5ers” love those forward emails. And that’s all twitter is smaller faster versions of forward email, a current affair, a good mews channel, and the police scanner.
I have just ranted and raved and done all sorts of poor analogies and 3rd person speaking and I haven’t even mention technology’s beautiful design. That would of course be a post on it’s own.
