Archive for the ‘Fail’ Category

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“live chat” Pandainabattlesuit. Robot Detection Agency.

September 9, 2012

just had this chat with “Kate” from House Painters Sydney.

I am ‘Visitor’. A bit creepy now I look at it.

Kate: Hello, thanks for contacting AsNu. My name is Kate, may I have your name?
Visitor: Luke
Kate: Hi Luke, how may I help you?
Visitor: I would like to know if your company would take on the small job of replacing a supporting post for a verandah
Kate: Before we proceed, may I please have your phone number and email address in case we get disconnected?
Visitor: work@pandainabattlesuit.com
Kate: Thanks!
Kate: Can you give me any details of the project you are considering?
Visitor: are you a robot?
Visitor: ?
Kate: No, I am a real person and this is a live chat.
Visitor: reallly/
Visitor: a little bit your answers have been a little like a robot?
Kate: Can you give me any details of the project you are considering?
Visitor: supporting pole on our small rear verahdah needs replacing
Kate: What is your address?
Visitor: that was definitely a robot question
Kate: ?
Visitor: I think you may just be a robot?.
Visitor: 010001001001001010101010?
Kate: Our services include colour consulting, painting, carpentry, lead removal, scaffolding, and Delux Envirowash.
Kate: The best way to get your questions answered is to setup a free consultation with one of our estimators. Would you like to setup a consultation with one of our estimators who can answer your question in more detail?
Visitor: yes no worries dexter. how is life post perfect match ??
Kate: What is a good number and time to reach you?
Visitor: what’s my compatibility score?
Visitor: 010001010? hahahahahaha 101010101000001101101011000?!?!
Kate: For more details you can contact at : 02 9890 …..

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Posted in Fail, Humanoid Android/Robot Surveillance, Robot, When robots fail | Leave a Comment »

Self grooming begins at home

August 3, 2012

What the fuck people. I thought these only existed in 1993. Particularly at truck stops in the central west of Australia. You know the ones. They have those mechanic/boobie calendars on the back of the office door.

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I get that peeps want to be fresh to death but buying fucking pheromones in a shopping centre bathroom is no less creepy than a paedophile version of Ivan Milat.

Go to priceline for fucks sake. Buy some Lynx Africa. At least I am almost sure that you get a bonus free root at Penrith Panthers night club.

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I get the safe sex thing. But you can buy that shit at one of the 54 supermarkets in the shopping centre. The only people I can imagine buying these things are the very same people that wear navy v-neck jumpers with no shirt under neath, a cheap gold chain, chinos and bone coloured fake alligator shoes. You guys all know him. He is the very same 47.5er that is dating the year eleven student and tell everyone how mature she is well, his Xbox live friends anyway and he is always going on a cruise. Not international, just off the coast and back

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Hot tip: if you need this. Try brushing your teeth. Just try.

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Posted in Animals vs Humans, Fail, social observation | Leave a Comment »

Product design. Toilet paper

July 21, 2012

I guess I am no expert in the field of toilet paper but as a consumer I have definitely 30 something years experience.
While I was sitting on the proverbial stark white ceramic throne, I glanced across my field of view for some reason to contemplate the somewhat ‘special’ design on the roll

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Not sure about you guys. But when I was thinking of possible alternatives to teddy bears on toilet paper I was no doubt able to think of fifty fucking million other options. Not unlike the option of wiping your arse on a starfish or some ‘design-cum-braile’.
Just really not sure what the company were thinking here.
Even if they were trying to appeal to children?, long shot I know but teaching kids to wipe their arse with teddy bears would cause a catastrophe for parents in a plush toy heavy house such as ours.
I just want Sorbent or whom ever to maybe re think it. That is all.

At least the dog has goggles in case shit goes down. Pun intended.

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Posted in Animals vs Humans, crazy ramblings, Fail | Leave a Comment »

Being threaten with legal action for voicing an uncontested opioion

January 18, 2012

Please read and follow this site

No Place for Sheep.

What ever happened to being able to tell crazy right wing ‘anti everything’ activists to shut up.

This is in line with condoning the West Borough Baptist church’s views on anything, and funding them to act on any crazy notion they have.

Twitter, blogging, and other forms of social media give the people a voice. Whether it is an individual voice or one followed by a few thousand people.

Everyone deserves the right to have an opinion, but not the right to over react when disagreeing on one other than their own.

 

Inspired from

this SMH article

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Posted in Fail, i don't understand, lifehack, Tales from Friends | Leave a Comment »

Anti-’Gangsta Lean’ Campaign

January 13, 2012

Sorry today has provided me much inspiration and whilst I wait for reports to run. I will quickly re write the rules on what you are and and are not allow to do whilst in motor vehicles.

As expertly recreated in MS Paint, I was an observer to a young male driving like this (please use some imagination) this morning, in what seemed to be his Mum’s Ford Fiesta (old model and it was blue). I wasn’t sure of the exact number plate so I just estimated. (It was probably closer to Douche’s Mum’s Car, but that wouldn’t fit)

So I have decided to make a list of cars you are not allowed to do that in. Ever.

1. Honda jazz

2. Any Hyundai

3. Any older model Ford, (excluded is the GT 500)

4. Honda CRV (I tested this out in ours and felt like a douche)

5. Ford laser

6.  Holden Astra

7. Any Holden

8. Audi TT (Daiahatsu Copen is acceptable)

9. Nissan Skyline R30/33/34(GTST model)

10. Mazda 3

11. Mitsubishi Mirage

12. Mitsubishi Lancer (any with Chrome aftermarket tail lights)

13. VW Polo

14. VW EOS

15. Toyota Corolla

16. Any BMW older than this year.

17. Audi RS4 (too gangsta to be gansta leaning in especially the Advant)

18. Mostly all cars

19. Those $50 mountain bikes you see people rding on with the motor attached.

20. Those thin Skate boards that are back in fashion

21. Dunlop Volley Shoes

22. Any clothes from Glue Store

23. Roller shoes are ok if the child is Gangsta

24. Ikea Trolley (unless you bought expidite book shelf they are gangsta)

25. VW Beetle (new version)

26. Any care with a Tape deck

27. Toyota utes with carpet on the rear tray and some empt chrome tool boxes

28. Horses (mules are totally more gangsta)

29. Any car with flag of any nationality on rear view mirror

30. Any car with Garter belt hanging from review mirror

31. Any Car going through McDonalds’ Drive through (please refrain from being gangsta as Mcdonalds’ workers deserve our respect)

32. Vespas

33. Yellow Cars (Lancer Evolution 9 exception)

34. Yellow motorbikes

35. Guys on motors bikes in thongs, shorts, and muscle shirt/singlets.

 

Any others please feel free to comment.

 

 

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Posted in Animals vs Humans, Fail, NB to Self, social observation, Tuning | Leave a Comment »

Just read this.

December 21, 2011

Srsly. People have no conscience.

get a crisco hamper stop stealing other people’s shit. Especially at this time of year.

Click for story about scum

 

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Posted in Animals vs Humans, Fail, i don't understand, Tales from Friends | Leave a Comment »

Yep. No they’re not.

November 29, 2011

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Found on the interwebs. Thoroughly backs up my rationale that tights are not pants.

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Posted in Fail, Human Enhancement, i don't understand | Leave a Comment »

What Christmas is this year.

November 26, 2011

So this is what Christmas of 2011 is.
I girl dressed in her under where holding a fucking can of pears.
Now I know that my irritation with this does not stem from the fact that I am a dad and have a family or the fact I may have a few salty patches on my la tete.

But fuck. What the fuck does a can of tinned pears and some girl in her fucking under wear giving a spoon a blow job have to do with Christmas.

Yes I know that it is supposed to reference a pear tree but. Let me do some simple mathematics around this.

Whorish posing ex pat + table spoon / underwear = whorish girl eating tinned fruit…….. No wait I must have done that wrong.

Girl in underwear X giving a blow job to a spoon / Christmas = whorish girl eating pears underdressed.

Nope well

Neither of those equal Christmas.

And I am sure if I did the same equations for Jennifer whorkins diving in to a pool full of Christmas tree decorations it would come out the same. Whorish girl using blow jobs and swim suits to relate to christmas.

Some times I think Myer and DJs would be better brothels.

Then I am forced to think of the 67.5er bitches that dominate the staff roster until they die of Sheridan poisoning and I literally shudder.

A Christmas tree with a couple of presents and a sale sign would have most ladies swarming myer.

Now on Christmas eve there will be a bunch of blokes walking out of Myers and DJs depressed because there was no blowjobs. Just cut priced women’s make up and Calvin Klein unisex perfume.

Sorry team.

End rant.

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Posted in Advertising. Poor Mans Pron, crazy ramblings, Fail, i don't understand | Leave a Comment »

Honestly

October 28, 2011

Who gives a fuck if this douche uses eggs or not. Did he poop them out his cloaca?!??
If he did then I will buy them. If not. Then for fucks sake Australia

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Posted in Advertising. Poor Mans Pron, Fail, i don't understand, NB to Self | Leave a Comment »

Raising awareness. [Again.]

October 26, 2011

Hate the game but love the story line and secretly think it is definitely based on a true story

any ways I know I have mentioned this before possibly on twitter but hopefully you guys have been watching these bastards too.

A little bit I love the thought of a company maybe not as evil and maybe a little bit more security conscious  like Umbrella Corporation running around, in a over sized bee hive under the ground.

or maybe they already are.

example.

Avon Product ‘Anew Derma Full’

 

Umbrella Corporation’s ‘T Virus’

 

Coincidence? I think not.

 

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Posted in Fail, Human Enhancement, Humanoid Android/Robot Surveillance, seeing seas, social observation, Space kids, technology, Uncategorized, When robots fail | 1 Comment »

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